The Five Guys at Every Fantasy Draft

We’ve all been there: It’s draft day. You’re pumped; you’re prepared; all your ducks are in a row; spreadsheets out; players ranked; frosty beverage in hand. Oh yeah, it’s all there. Know what else is there? The rest of your league. Sure, there are some friends mixed in the bunch, along with some decent players, and a couple of acquaintances. And there’s of course that one guy you don’t know, who wore his Jeter jersey just so everyone knows… he’s a big fan! But as always, also mixed in to this group are the following five guys; the five guys at every fantasy draft: The Critic: He’s the guy who has a review of every single pick. Sure, he might toss you a “nice value!” when you score Joey Votto in the 10th, but he’ll also be there to tell you that he’s “down on Volquez this year”. But he doesn’t stop at his personal take. He likes to remind you of the facts you already know: “I don’t know about that pick, Chief, Chipper gets hurt every year”. Thanks, dude. Naturally, he also ends up leading the league in transactions…by double digits. Hey, at least he second guesses everything he does too.

The Predictor: The Critic sometimes doubles as The Predictor, but the two together often make like Shawn Michaels and Marty Jannetty and go tag-team on your patience. The Predictor has his own set of projections for every player. Every. Single. Player. When he snags Tex with his first-round pick he even feels compelled to give him his very own intro: “This guy is going to hit 50 jacks this year; Mark Teixeira!”. And it doesn’t end at the stat lines. He even has the inside track on how many games into the season Soriano is going down with “an ankle”. Amazing he hasn’t parlayed that clairvoyance into a Televangelist gig. The Sleeper Lover: We all know this guy. Heck, a lot of us have been this guy. The Sleeper Lover gets so enamored with his list of sleepers that he ends up with a roster full of them, with each often taken far too early. He’s the guy who grabbed Matt Wieters in the 5th, five rounds before Ryan Doumit was off the board, and Mike Pelfrey long before Adam Wainwright was taken. This guy got himself so caught up in sleepers that he forgot you actually have to take them in the later rounds to get them at true sleeper value- otherwise, they’re just guys on which you blew a top 50 pick. The Retro Picker: When you look over the Retro Picker’s final roster, you’re pretty sure this guy hasn’t actually watched a game since the ’05 season. Sure, he landed a couple nice names in the first two rounds but he also just got a little too excited about picking Michael Young in the 4th. A few rounds later he’s astounded to see Pedro is still on the board. When you return from the bathroom he fist bumps you with an enthusiastic “Todd Helton baby!” The game passed by the Retro Picker so long ago that you’re not sure whether to laugh or to try and trade him Delino DeShields for that new guy… what’s name? Ian Kinsler? Yeah, that’s it. The Homer: While it’s not set in stone, The Homer is almost always a Yankee or Red Sox fan. Sorry guys, but you just have the highest percentage of “fans” who don’t know a thing about the rest of the league. The Homer doesn’t just stop at taking Derek Jeter way too early - he goes all Steinbrenner on the draft and inks every player the Yankees have. And he’s not just confident; he’s 100% sure Posada is hitting “35 jacks this year, Bro!” Sure he is buddy… sure he is.

PCB Scout